The Dating Scene Is Not What It Used To Be

The dating scene is nothing like it used to be. Re-entering can be downright intimidating for those of us in the 40+ crowd.

After I was divorced about 4 years, I decided it was time to begin dating again. The dating venues of by twenties certainly were not the places I wanted to look at in my 40's.

So I did what most people do, I went online.

I will never forget sitting at my keyboard having just posted my bio and picture online and I received an instant message within 10 seconds reading 'You are Pretty, Talk to me'. I felt sick to my stomach; almost like I had been violated in the privacy of my own home. I closed down the instant message. I felt like meat hanging on a hook. I changed my profile to prohibit instant messaging and took down my photo.

That was my introduction to the world of online dating. But, I stuck with it; partly because I was curious, but mostly because I had already paid 3 months for the service.

I dated for about 4 years, off and on, through various dating sites. Over the years, I learned what worked and more importantly, what definitely didn't work; and I would like to share some tips with you:

Don't Lie - I don't care if it's your age, weight or income... just be honest. Nothing turned me off more than finding out a man lied on his site about an aspect of his bio. If he lies before I meet him; why would I think he won't lie again?
Don't Post a picture - A man should want to meet you because of the content of your bio. State in your bio a photo will be made available upon request. Promptly send one if asked; as well as asking for one in return. If he is unwilling to send you a photo, move on.
Arrange a public place to meet. After a picture is sent, then it's time to either meet or move on. If he only wants to continue talking online, move on... I got online to date; not to find a pen pal.
80% of the men I met on a first date never made it to a second date. For me, there is simply no point going on a 2nd date if we didn't have common values, life priorities and good ole' sex appeal.
Only 4 men made it past date number 3 and only 2 of them ever met my daughter and that was after several months of dating.

I have met some wonderful men during my dating days; unfortunately the majority of them just weren't compatible for one reason or another. I also met men where I'm sure that I left tire streaks in the parking lot when leaving the date as quickly as possible.

I finally did meet my love, Grand Dude online; and it didn't take us long before we figured out we actually had friends in common. It might have taken four years of dating for us to find each other, but we both know the timing was perfect for us.

http://www.steppingintojoy.com/

About the Author

Debbi Dickinson coaches divorced women to move past their divorce and create a new life for themselves mixing spiritual strategy with time tested proven tools. Debbi invites you to take advantage a Free 5-Day Video Guide that outlines some of these tools. http://www.steppingintojoy.com/

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My Marriage Is Perfect - Just Don't Look Too Closely

I will never forget the calls from neighbors the day the 'For Sale' sign went up in our front yard. They were surprised to find out the reason for selling was because of the divorce. They all felt we had a solid marriage. I had succeeded in kidding everyone, including myself, that my life was fine.

Many women get their life priorities mixed up like me. What people thought of me was more important than how I felt about myself. Like many women, I didn't get to that place overnight and didn't even realize I was there for a while.

It usually isn't until we hit some sort of emotional bottom that we are willing to take a hard look at ourselves and the life we are living.

After a while the line blurs between what is our reality vs. the illusion of the reality we work so hard to portray. For many, we begin to lose the essence of who we are at the point where the lines start to blur.

I started believing my false happy married life was in fact my life. But as much as I tried to be happy, on the inside I knew it was a lie.

There were plenty of signs letting me know that life was not happy, joyous and free:

I was in a chronic state of exhaustion. Looking back, I know today it takes a lot of energy to keep up the 'Life is Fine' façade. Putting on the happy face takes an emotional toll on us.I chose not to deal with root cause issues in my marriage, but instead to look the other way. I kept pushing the emotional pain deep within me through self-destructive behaviors.I didn't have close friends. I had a lot of acquaintances in my life. There was no one I could open up with to share exactly where I was at emotionally. I thought as an adult I just needed to 'suck it up' and deal with life alone.

No one wants to look like a failure and we can go to great lengths to put up the façade that 'Life is Fine' as we isolate our emotions.

So what do you do?

For me, I needed to take a hard look at my life and make some new choices. I chose to chart a new course in my life and take ownership of my decisions. One of the early decisions was divorce; which was the best decision for all parties involved.

Most importantly, I knew that I needed to live a life that was true to my values. Not everyone is going to agree with my choices in life; today, I am fine with that. I came to an understanding when I started this new course of living that the one person I need to be true to was myself.

About the Author

Debbi Dickinson coaches divorced women to move past their divorce and create a new life for themselves mixing spiritual strategy with time tested proven tools. Debbi invites you to take advantage a Free 5-Day Video Guide that outlines some of these tools. http://www.steppingintojoy.com/

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Reflections on My Wedding Day

Today would have been my 22nd Wedding Anniversary; our divorce was finalized a few weeks after our 13th anniversary. I find that when the calendar flips to this day each year I focus less on my divorce and reflect more on my hopes and dreams on my Wedding Day, so many years ago.

I had the wedding that all little girls dream about. My father is a minister and not only walked me down the aisle, but married me. Our wedding was held in the garden patio of a hotel in Laguna Beach, California. I can still remember standing and listening to the waves crashing in the background, quieting my nerves as my father read our wedding vows for us to recite. It was a memorable day that I cherish in my heart.

Like many young women, my hopes were that I would raise a family, excel in my career and be happy. I had a lot of ideas around what 'happy' would look like; mostly trapping of 'keeping up with the Jones' and living the 'American Dream'.

As the years progressed, my career continued to excel and I did all the 'happy' things I dreamed about wonderful vacations, golfing, bought a house, learned how to sail and dined at upscale restaurants. In the later years of my marriage we had my beautiful daughter. Although I got what I wished for on my wedding day, I was empty, sad and lonely on the inside.

Once divorced, I had to rebuild my life which took perseverance, taking an honest look at myself and lots of boxes of Kleenex. A group of wonderful friends rallied around me. To them, I am forever grateful. It is through their example of living that I learned to rebuild my life.

Self-discovery is never an easy journey. Take it a day at a time, I was told. Through many tears I learned to peel the onion and get rid of the layers of bad behaviors and misconceptions about myself. At the core I discovered my talents, strengths and values of who I am today. I have learned to embrace and nurture my gifts and through my life have transformed beyond my wildest dream. I embrace life!

Today, I reflect back on my journey over the past 9 years and can honestly say "Today, I'm happy". My happiness has nothing to do with what I do with my time; it has everything to do with the fact that I live in integrity and have learned to love myself.

http://www.steppingintojoy.com

About the Author

Debbi Dickinson coaches divorced women to move past their divorce and create a new life for themselves mixing spiritual strategy with time tested proven tools. Debbi invites you to take advantage a Free 5-Day Video Guide that outlines some of these tools. http://www.steppingintojoy.com/

View the original article here

Quality Communication With Your Children Will Ensure a Better Divorce Outcome!

During and after divorce your children may be hyper-sensitive about many things. What may have formerly been routine conversations, questions or activities can now be touchy subjects fraught with anxiety, resentment or anger. This is understandable when you consider that the stability of the world they knew has been dramatically altered. Minor insecurities can easily grow into major problems. Children may regress in their behaviors and skills, become more clinging - or more aloof - depending on their adaptability and perspective about the divorce.

This is a time to master the art of good parent/child communication so you can reinforce or rebuild trust, security and confidence that things will be okay again - despite the changes inflicted by your divorce.

Here are some solid tips for more effective communication with your children. Master them today and they will work on your behalf for years and years ahead.

• Keep your conversations private - at times when others are not around. This assures a more relaxed connection, more intimacy and safety. Your child is more likely to open up and confide their real feelings when they know they have your full attention. That means close the computer, put down the phone, turn off the TV and let your child know you are interested in what they are feeling and saying.

• Listen carefully to get the gist of what they are saying, even if you don't like the message. Don't interrupt or correct them as they speak. You'll have your turn, but if they don't feel "heard" you are likely not going to have another chance at real communication. Here's where "active listening" skills are a real plus: paraphrase back what you think you've heard, look directly at them, and nod your head to show you're listening. Then ask if you got the message right after you've repeated it.

• Focus more on what happened rather than "why." Allow the entire story to be told or all their feelings to be shared without jumping to judgment. You can still parent, explain your values, and support your decisions while not minimizing your child's right to their own "take" on things. Also remind your child that they are loved and accepted, despite what they think or have done. You can reject the behavior without rejecting the child.

• Avoid the lectures, the smug "I told you so's," the moralizing put-downs or other forms of embarrassing your children, especially if others are around. Instead offer constructive ways to remedy the situation when possible. Brainstorm together. Remind your child that not all challenges can be neatly resolved or agreed upon by all parties. This can be a valuable life-lesson for them shared with empathy, compassion and insight.

While it's often easier to provide negative feedback, try to end your communication in a positive tone. This will encourage additional conversations and their willingness to confide in you again when things are not going well. Find something you can praise in their behavior or their communication so they feel valued and significant. Remember, divorce imposes changes within the family that your children never asked for. With these thoughts in mind you'll deepen your relationship with your children at a time when they need it most!

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and the author How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting, coaching services and valuable resources on divorce and parenting, go to: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/

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Questions To Ask Your Divorce Attorney

The first thing to do while you are considering divorce is to talk with an experienced family lawyer. Once you have set up a meeting with your attorney, start making a list of questions to ask him. The questions you ask will help you understand the divorce process better, also, whether the lawyer is suitable for you and your case, how the attorney and his overall office operate.

What Kind Of Experience Do You Have In Family Law?

Family law is a specific field in which you have to specialize in order to be able to take cases such as these i.e. divorce, etc. Several lawyers practice in other fields than family law. Your case will be better aided if you have a lawyer who basically focuses his attention on family law. Make sure your lawyer takes most of his cases that are related to family law as you don't want to end up with a generalist. Separation lawyers are those that only specialize in family law.

How Will You Guide Me Through The Divorce Process?

Your attorney is the one who educates you and guides you through the entire process. Make sure your lawyer explains to you clearly, the complete divorce process; from the little things like filing the request to the major trial process.

What Will Be The Total Cost Of My Divorce?

Several cost factors are out of your control but be sure to ask your lawyer nonetheless, and do not worry if he is hesitant to answer, as it is a difficult question but a very important one as it is.

How Long Will The Process Go On?

Consult your lawyer on how long they think the whole process will take and what their estimate is. Divorce is a lengthy process but it may go swiftly if you settle quickly, which usually happens after you have had a trial.

How Do You Think A Judge Would Rule In My Case Based On My Issues?

Only a lawyer with experience can accurately predict how a judge will rule on a specific issue in your case. Many rulings made in the courtrooms are subjective, as different judges may rule differently on the same case which is why this question may be a difficult one to answer for your lawyer. But make sure you listen to the analysis behind his answer as understanding the facts would help during the case.

If you are looking for separation lawyers Aberdeen, you can always search for them online. You will also find many reputable employment solicitors Aberdeen.

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Options on How to Obtain Divorce Records Today

There are a lot of reasons why individuals would want documentations on annulments. For some, it is crucial to know the marital history of a potential spouse while others need it for legal reasons like child support, property settlement and so on. In America, obtaining divorce records varies from one state to another. Most of the time, they are maintained per county, however following the specified total of years, these documents are transferred and also stored in the state government directory.

Usually, you will find needed vital information at the designated Division of Vital Records of the State. It is the office authorized to accept and release data regarding official split-up accounts and other essential data like birth, death and marriage. Basically, there are three fundamental ways to send request regarding this matter. First is through walk in. Simply appear in person at the aforementioned agency and present valid photo identification card with correct fee. This method usually delivers same day service and so far the fastest way to get a certified vital data.

Second approach is by sending application through the regular mail. Write a letter to the officer-in-charge with details of the account you are requesting like name of the married couple, date and place of separation and reason for obtaining the file. Expect weeks for the turn-around time with this particular method. In fact, some states even take months to process mail requests because of the bulk of claims they are getting each time. Third option is through fax. Remember to include the necessary details in order to locate your sought after data.

Annulment files are generally considered part of public information. Because of this, separation documents of any individual may be accessed by the general public given that proper protocol are used. As mentioned, there are various means to achieve this search. The most recent however is by way of online look up. Today, with the Internet almost dominating the information era, literally any person can get hold of any data without all the kinds of trouble done in the past.

A huge chunk of information can be obtained from an annulment file. They possess the private details of the annulled spouses and offspring like names, ages and dates of birth. You will also find where the matrimony took place, when it happened and who performed the solemnization not to mention financial data, custody, alimony, restraining orders, filing numbers, final verdict among many others. Separated persons also need this as requisite to remarry.

As to the fees, each State requires different fees for the same document. Most of the time, the government provides free divorce records however a small payment may be required to compensate service charge. Since the introduction of computer and Internet, viewing a certain document can be done in one sitting. As result, a lot of companies online took the initiative to provide quality output and top service in this regard. Paid online databanks are so far beneficial to anyone who does not have time for various paper works at public office.

Let us help you learn the facts about Divorce Records before you pick your Free Divorce Records online.

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Successful Custody Arrangements and Visitation Schedules - Getting Along With Your Ex

Caroline has been divorced for seven years. She has two boys and shares custody with their father. Their father sees them every other weekend and though he makes plenty of money as a San Diego DUI lawyer, he pays NO child support. This is because he is "self-employed" and he refused to provide his financial information to the court. His sleazy lawyer tricks prevailed as Caroline decided she would rather not receive any child support than to continually go back to court over it.

Her ex has spent the past seven years making her life miserable. Everything is a battle. He undermines her every chance he gets and causes a lot of stress. Her boys feel the strain of their parent's "relationship". Their behavior changes after visiting their father and they become defiant with her until they settle back in to their normal routine.

Caroline thought she would escape her ex-husband's wrath by divorcing him. Instead, he is ever present in her life and she has eight more years before she is "free" of him. They stick to their visitation schedule to the minute, regardless of anything else that may be going on.

Jessica has also been divorced for seven years. At first, having to deal with her ex was stressful and uncomfortable. Then Jessica decided that she should try to make the best of the situation and made an attempt to get along with her ex for the sake of their kids. Since she was being nice to him, Jessica's ex reciprocated the behavior and attitude.

Jessica and her ex get along and are able to discuss matters involving their children. They are able to attend the same events (like soccer games and birthdays) without animosity or awkwardness. They have a successful visitation schedule and are both willing to accommodate each other's requests whenever things come up.

Their children are well-adjusted and the divorce has been a positive experience for them. They have never felt trapped in the middle or as if their parents are at war with each other. Her boys are happy and have great attitudes when they return from their father's house. Jessica and her ex-husband are able to co-parent and get along. They do so for the sake of their children.

Getting along with the other parent is essential if you want to have successful custody arrangements. You don't have to be friends. You just have to stop fighting and get along. If you treat each other with respect and civility, it will be tremendously beneficial to your children.

Sometimes ex-couples are so volatile that they cannot communicate without fighting. Getting along in this type of situation is difficult. If this applies to your situation, you may want to try communicating with your ex only in writing (such as e-mail or text) and refrain from engaging in confrontational behavior. Ignore nasty messages. Not fighting with your ex is almost as good as getting along.

Learning how to get along with each other in order to co-parent effectively is going to take time and patience. However, you and your children will be better off in the long run for having put forth the effort.

Kelly Turner is an advocate of children's custody rights. Kelly recommends Custody X Change to parents who need help creating a successful visitation schedule.

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Riding the Ride: How to Recognize and Manage Your Emotions Through Divorce

Some decisions are really easy to make - What will I have for breakfast? What TV show do I want to watch? What time do I need to get up in the morning? Other decisions, like whether or not divorce is the correct path for you to take, can be agonizing.

Let's begin by focusing on the person who is contemplating whether or not to divorce - the leaver.

Often times, the leaver is unhappy in the marriage and hasn't been able to effectively communicate what changes they want to occur in the marriage. They may have tried therapy - either individual or couples. They may have tried some form of medication like anti-depressants or alcohol or even food. They may have tried distraction - an all-consuming hobby, focusing on the children, focusing on work. Yet everything they've tried just isn't working and they're still unhappy in their marriage. They may also have tried nothing because they didn't believe they had any options.

On the other hand, perhaps the leaver has been able to communicate EXACTLY what they'd like to be different in their marriage yet their spouse isn't willing or isn't able to make the requested changes. When this is the case, the leaver often feels powerless and unimportant in their marriage.

Leavers often experience frustration, low esteem and guilt. Along with these emotions can come a sense of hopelessness of not knowing what else to do and a sense of having tried everything to make their marriage work - even if their spouse has no idea of what they've tried. They usually don't think that well of themselves because they feel like a failure at having the marriage they want. They often recognize the commitment they made when they married their spouse and feel guilty that they are contemplating divorce. In fact, it's not unusual for someone who has a lot of guilty feelings about contemplating divorce and who can't see or imagine any way to ever be happy again to do something, like have an affair, that somehow makes it "acceptable" or "right" to get divorced. This something that they do may or may not be done consciously or with pre-meditated intent.

Now let's talk a bit about the partner being left. When a spouse learns that their partner wants a divorce, the first emotions experienced are usually shock and denial. This is especially true when "the" conversation or "the" decision comes as a surprise. "How can this be happening?" "They can't be serious. Can they?" "This has got to be some kind of a cruel joke!" These are the types of thoughts that run through their minds over and over again as they try to make some sense of what's happening. Shock and denial are protective emotions. They keep us from having to deal with too much at any one time. The thing about these protective emotions though is that we can get stuck in them and avoid facing the reality of "the" conversation instead of participating in it.

However, choosing to participate in "the" conversation doesn't make everything all better. Once the partner being left begins participating, the next two emotions most commonly experienced by both partners are anger and fear. Their worlds are on the verge of completely changing in ways they never expected and the changes are often both maddening and frightening.

The interesting thing about all these emotions is that both the leaver and the left can experience a rapid shifting of their emotions and can at times feel very unlike themselves. They can be angry one minute and experiencing overwhelming sadness the next. These shifting emotions are often the result of hormone levels that vary in response to the added stressors of "the" conversation or decision. These varying hormone levels often cause difficulty doing the things they used to be able to easily do. For example, if you're usually a very organized and task oriented parson, when you're going through the emotional ups and downs of divorce, ti's fairly common to experience a sense of disorganization and not being able to get the things done you used to get done.

Recognizing the different emotions you experience during divorce regardless of whether you are the leaver of the one being left is critical to being able to manage your expectations of yourself and your spouse. Most people notice that they are not as efficient or capable while going through divorce. If this is the case for you, as it was for me, please take this into account and go easy on yourself. Be sure and schedule time every day to relax and nurture yourself. I promise it will be time well spent and enable you to get back to being you that much more quickly!

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

Are you the leaver or the one being left? Get real with yourself here. I know it took me a while to realize that I had felt that I was left in my marriage before I ever started thinking about leaving it. Most people discover that the beginnings of the end of the marriage happened long before "the" conversation or "the" decision happens.

What are the emotions you're experiencing now? Which emotions are you experiencing most often at this point in your divorce process? How are they impacting your life? What can you do to acknowledge the emotions AND move forward?

Be kind to yourself. Going through divorce is a big change and one of the most stressful life experiences you can have. Be sure and take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Get your free copy of "5 Things You MUST Know About Divorce That Your Attorney Won't Tell You"! http://www.functionaldivorce.com/

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Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com/ to learn more about Karen's work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.

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Miserable From A Breakup - There's Magic In Making Up!

I don't have to guess how miserable you feel after a long lasting relationship or marriage breaks up, I have experienced it first hand. For whatever reason the great relationship you had started to slip away. Whether it was too much time apart because of job issues, or too many girls/guys nights out, or way too much time on Facebook. Things happen, resentment starts and continues to snowball into picking at each other, unavoidable fights, blame and things being said to each other that you can't take back, or forget.

So, first we can agree that although you feel totally alone in this, you are not. There are a lot of people, friends, family and coworkers that can sympathize and offer all kinds of advise on how to move on or get them back. Of course, depending on your situation, such as verbal abuse or physical abuse, your decision must be very carefully thought through. No one should put themselves in harms way for the sake of love. At least not without guidance and counseling.

So, let's assume there are other reasons for your breakup. A relationship that has a solid, basic foundation has something most relationships don't have. So, believe it or not, this is something that can be rebuilt on. You have met people who have broken up and later got back together again. It happens all the time. Even marriages or relationships that broke up over one or the other cheating. In most cases, even that can be overcome. No situation is absolutely hopeless.

Unfortunately, there is very little USEFUL information available on how to fix a broken relationship or getting the love of your life back. But, once you understand the underlying reasons and motives as to why people take their exes back you can, at the very least, make an educated decision for your situation. You see, getting an ex back, or putting a breakup back together again has a lot to do with timing and reading signals from the other person. There are tell tale clues that shows you still have a special place in their heart, regardless of what they say. You also need to learn when to apologize and when not to. Under the right circumstances an apology can work, and other times it can blow up in your face and blow any future chances of reconciliation. You will need to learn how diffuse arguments before they start and what decisions you should put off until you are actually back together.

Regardless of why your marriage or relationship has hit the wall, in most cases it can be saved. Now, I'm not saying you can put it back together in an hour, a week, or even a month. Depending on the circumstances of your break up, these things take time. Learning the "Magic of Making Up" can certainly give you the information you need to make the right moves at the right time and when to sit back and wait. Remember, timing is everything. It takes time to build a good relationship, so it will take time to rebuild one. But, if your relationship is worth saving, time will not be a problem.

"The Magic of Making Up" can help you stop your break up or divorce even if your situation seems hopeless! This book can show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your partner back in your arms again, even if you are the only one trying!

Remember, there was a reason you loved that person to begin with, so don't be a statistic now. You can put your Love and Long Lasting Relationship back together again and be happier than you have ever been!

Visit: http://www.daisynut.com/ on the Save Marriage Products page for your copy today!

Best of Luck!

Pat Westermann

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Truth Unveiled With Public Divorce Records

It may be a boring paper document to read on, but truly life saving if it is only used legally and properly. People have different histories in the past and it would be very unfortunate to fall into someone who messed up with his or her previous marriage. Searching for divorce records could actually eat-up much of your time and effort, but it's definitely a blessing to have them kept for future use.

If you have sensed that your partner has been hiding something, then it's about time to unlock the true past of that person before things become too late. Knowing the truth behind the breakup of a current partner could be quite offensive and may be too aggressive to the other person at times. Even though past is past it is still important to get straight facts to build a real romantic relationship.

Truth is, having serious and lengthy bond with someone entails trust and honesty, thus, the need to know all about the past of potential partner in life is a must. A great opportunity for this exploration is through searching for public divorce records. Details of his or her divorce will be specifically indicated in the papers as well as the reasons why a couple got separated.

What steps are needed to obtain divorce records? There are a lot of vital accounts recorded in the respective states today; therefore, standard procedures will have to be adhered as per guideline for each state. You actually have two options in this matter. For one you can go ahead to the county clerk's office where the divorce was actually granted and request for the document. Or you may visit directly to the state agency within the state where you have resided or where the divorce was processed.

However, for files that were not documented in the state level, you will need to keep in touch with the Clerk of the Superior Court from the particular county where the separation was officially declared.

What are the necessary requirements when applying for such records? For the application on divorce files to be processed, you need to supply some important data about the person you are scrutinizing. Upon sending the request, you are required to provide the necessary particulars such as the complete name of the husband and wife, date of the divorce, the place where the separation was obtained and your intention for getting the divorce accounts.

Not to mention, you also need to supply your own details. This includes your name and address, your proof of identity, signature and a copy of your photo ID. Nevertheless, such procedure could be quite lengthy and demands patience and lots of paperwork. On a final note, request rate must not go beyond $20.00 per copy, so it must be very reasonable a price.

An easier way to acquire public divorce records is through the online databases that are available in this information age. It is the Internet that completes the search very quickly with sufficient amount of data to give. It is a big challenge to find one on the web, but it's definitely worth it.

Gathering information from various sources of Divorce Records is a piece of cake. Paid and free Public Divorce Records can be obtained in no time.

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What Is A Divorce Expo And How It Can Help People?

Divorce happens around the world. In the U.S., the rate is 50 percent based on current statistics. An international research on countries with the highest divorce rates, Belarus topped the list with a rate of 68 percent. Russia, Sweden, Latvia and Ukraine followed to complete the Top 5 list.

When couples split, what normally happens is they face uncertainties particularly on the part of the wife who may not be working at that time. Not all are able to find the right resources as well to proceed with the divorce process. Fortunately, there's this new event organized for the first time in Detroit Michigan aimed at helping ex-couples.

Ever heard of a divorce expo? Well, it may sound strange to many of you but there is really such an event as this. In New York City, there was this Start over Smart Divorce Expo that took place for the first time just this March 31 and April 1, 2012, on a weekend.

The goal of this event is to help couples who have decided to quit their marriage in managing the divorce process, move on with their lives and succeed in their respective fields. Among the co-founders is a family therapist, Francine Baras and her daughter Nicole Baras Feur who's a mediator.

According to the mother-daughter team, those who are going through the divorce process often face it alone. But, this does not have to be, they stressed. And this is the reason why they thought of organizing this expo to allow ex-spouses to come together and consult about their situations as well as learn from the experts available. The event is also a good opportunity for people going through divorce to get to know others in the same situation as theirs.

But other than the private one-on-one sessions with the experts and seminars that divorced people can attend at this event, there were perks offered for them. These include a massage, makeover, live radio interviews, book signing, tips for maintaining healthy skin and on dating after the divorce. The activity proved to be a one-stop shop for couples who have decided to quit their marriage.

What often happens when a husband and wife agree to end their relationship is they don't know where to find a lawyer who can help them in the divorce process. With the Divorce Expo, these people were provided with the right resources to make it easy for them to settle their issue and move on with their lives.

The seminars featured experts in different fields to help divorcees with whatever challenges they may be facing. Topics covered were family law, financial planning, coaching, personal health and wellness, finding a career, parenting, co-parenting as well as the emotional and physical well-being. A party was also held with a live band for the enjoyment of all attendees.

One of the organizers of this weekend event also pointed out that the Divorce Expo was a great opportunity to listen, learn and be inspired not only by the experts but by the other attendees as well.

For helpful tips and information on marriage and family, visit TheMarriageCounselingBlog.com.

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When Will I Stop Hurting So Much?

Loneliness is one of the first most painful emotions to appear when you get divorced. Even if you were lonely in your marriage, it's just somehow different when you are living alone. Yes, this is true even if you have children living with you.

People express loneliness in a variety of ways. You may be like a hermit crab and withdraw into your shell, peering out at the rest of the world with a sad and dejected expression. Maybe you avoid experiencing loneliness by being with someone, actually anyone, so you don't have to be alone. Then again, you may experience loneliness by keeping busy - VERY busy - with work, or volunteer efforts, or with your children and their activities. You might even express your loneliness by a combination of these behaviors.

It's natural to feel lonely when your relationship ends. If you can recognize the pain of loneliness as an opportunity to heal, an opportunity for self-discovery, you'll be able to heal from it much more quickly than if you allow yourself to get stuck in it.

You'll know that you're becoming more aware of your loneliness and ready to start rediscovering wonderful things about yourself when you start asking the one question everyone who gets divorced asks: "When will I stop hurting so much?"

Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when the pain of loneliness will stop and no one else can either, no matter how much we wish we could. But, I can tell you some of the signs that you're getting over your loneliness and have started becoming comfortable with alone-ness. Sometimes knowing the indications that the worst is over can be incredibly comforting.

The signs you're moving forward beyond the painful feelings of loneliness include:

-When you stop hiding out at home

-When you stop trying to find any other relationship to avoid being lonely

-When you stop being connected 24x7 with Facebook, your iPhone, and the virtual realities of computer and online games

-When you are content doing activities by yourself - going to the movies, going out to eat, etc.

-When you stop letting feelings of loneliness control your behavior

-When you start enjoying the new things you're doing as part of your Functional Divorce

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The next time you're hit with the pain of loneliness, take a moment, recognize that the pain will ease with time and know that you have some signs you can be on the lookout for to know that you're heading past the worst of it.

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Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com/ to learn more about Karen's work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.

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What Should Be Your Next Step After Divorce

Divorce can be a tough and painful process. Nobody can go through it the easy way. But then if your decision to end your marriage is final, you have no choice but to face reality and get on with the divorce process.

You may not be prepared to handle the procedure what with all the time and effort it requires consulting with lawyers and debating over finances, properties and custody arrangements. But know that you need not rush things. Do take your time if necessary. It's important that you are in your right mind to be able to accomplish your tasks. With the right support system and of course, a good lawyer to back you up, you will be able to proceed with the process and finally get it over and done with.

Now, when all is done with the divorce, what's the next step to take? Should you sulk and stay away from people for a while or should you find a job and start dating right away?

Yes, you might be alone now but you need not feel lonely. If you have kids, they will keep you occupied. But if you do feel lonely, going back into the dating pool is not the answer to your situation. Relationship experts say it's not right to start searching for a new partner after the divorce. There has to be some personal recovery first.

How then can you start the process of personal recovery? There are stages involved which, if possible, a divorced person needs to go through.

Grieving is the first stage. Some people may not really feel this but this phase is important. Don't deny yourself the negative feelings of loss, anger, regret or sadness. They are normal and vital in order for you to heal. Accept the fact that some people may have distanced themselves from you. Cry if you want and feel sad if you need to.

From the grieving, you will have to do some self-reflection next. Think about what happened to your relationship? Ask yourself what really led you to fall in love with the person and if you were able to get to know him or her deeply throughout the years you've been together. This will help you reflect on where you or your partner might have gone wrong, the causes of your conflicts and the steps you took to resolve your marital and personal issues. It will also allow you to think about your own traits including the negatives ones that may have shown as well as your mistakes and how you can avoid them in the future.

The final stage is forgiving yourself and your partner. It is only after you've healed and reflected on your past marriage that you can move on and accept everything. It is also at this point or perhaps a little later that you can forgive yourself as well as your partner.

What matters after a divorce is you learn from your mistakes and experience. Life is not perfect but when you acknowledge the fact that after the storm, there's always light, you'll be able to recover.

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What I Wish I Could Have Told Pilar and Deion

Pilar and Deion made a big mistake. Yeah, I know that's an obvious statement and you're probably of the opinion that they've made several big mistakes since they decided to divorce. But the mistake I'm talking about probably isn't all that obvious. In fact, many people probably thought it was a good idea because they have kids.

The big mistake they made, that could have prevented many of the problems they've had and forced the networks to report on some other bits of news, is that they decided to continue living in the same house after deciding to divorce.

Granted it would seem that a 29,000 sq foot home would provide plenty of separation for the couple. It didn't. That's because they hadn't counted on divorce anger.

The anger that you can feel during divorce can probably more accurately be called rage. It can cause you to lash out in ways you never would have thought you were capable.

While we're married, we all pick our battles. There are some things that are worth talking about and working out and there are some things that we just choose not to deal with. By not dealing with it we sweep it under the rug.

The thing is, your spouse has been doing the same thing. They've been picking their battles too. They've also swept stuff under the rug.

When you decide to start the divorce process, something switches inside. What switches is that we start experiencing all kinds of emotions. We might progress from denial, to anger, to hope and back again to denial, to anger, to more anger and then maybe some hope. Every time we hit anger, there's a part of us that doesn't feel the need to hold back any longer. After all, we're getting divorced, right? So why not tell them all the stuff we've put up with for YEARS! Heck, we deserve to have our way! Well, this is exactly how things can get out of hand in a heartbeat. Because once one of you starts spewing forth all the stuff that's been swept under the rug, the other will most likely return the favor and it just gets uglier from there.

The root cause of this divorce anger or rage is that each emotion has different hormones associated with it. When our world is significantly changing through the divorce process our emotions can change very rapidly. The rapid changes mean that the hormones are in our systems all at once - which serves up a very potent cocktail for our brains. Our brains aren't used to having this potent hormonal cocktail and we can act, think, and behave in ways we never would have believed before.

So getting back to Pilar and Deion, choosing to live in the same house while beginning the divorce process means that the "reason" for their anger is always near. When their anger strikes, it's very, very easy to race from anger to rage and then the most unbelievable behavior occurs, the public accusations fly and the press makes sure we know all about it.

What do I wish I could have told Pilar and Deion? Once you start your divorce process, please don't try to live in the same home. You and your kids will be much, much happier if you both start to create your independent lives.

What do I want to make sure you learn, from their example? Once you and your spouse have made the decision to divorce, remember that it will be stressful and that it's in your best interest to start creating your independent life with as much respect for each other as possible.

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Remember that you're both going through a stressful transition. This is where compassion for everyone involved can go a long way. Being compassionate for yourself, will allow you to take the time and find the resources you need to successfully complete your divorce process. Being compassionate for your former spouse will allow you to negotiate more easily and potentially allow your children to feel free to be themselves instead of being pressure to take sides.

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Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com/ to learn more about Karen's work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.

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Tips on Saving a Marriage

It is easy to get into a relationship but difficult to maintain it. Often people get into a relationship with the feeling of long lastingness but finally end up getting divorced. There are many ways for saving a marriage, but they require some special qualities from both the husband and the wife. It is commonly seen that love marriages are less reliable than arrange marriage. Some of the main causes that lead to separation are ego, misunderstanding, lack of faith, busy schedules, different thinking, anger, one sided family support, mutual understanding, career, and so on.

Two married people finally think of separation when they have become over-obsessed with one another. In most of the cases, two people get enough time to rethink about their relationship before they actually get divorced or separated. If you really love your partner and want to spend your whole life with them, then this is the right time to try your best so that your partners change their decision of getting divorced. Some of the best ways to save a marriage are given which if followed with full devotion will yield positive results.

• Request your partner to give you some time so that you can explain them your situation and problems. You will have to make your partner feel that after getting separated, your life will become miserable and you need them in every walk of life. Don't get distressed or disheartened when they give rude replies. Instead keep on trying hard because hard work brings success one day. You will have to be very calm, polite, humble, and patient if you really want to save your marriage.

• Request your partner to give you a last chance so that you are able to prove your point, if your relationship is ending because of some misunderstanding between you and your partner. Moreover, you will have to work hard to collect all possible proofs which will convince your partner that you are guilty or wrong. On the other hand if you have committed some mistake because of which your relationship is going to finish, don't feel bad or guilty by realizing your mistake and saying sorry to your partner. Say those things which will make them believe that you will not commit the same mistake in future. Your first and foremost priority should be to win the confidence and trust of your partner so that you are successful in saving a marriage.

• Give yourself some time and think about the reasons and issues which are leading you both to this situation. Instead of finding faults in your partner and making them feel that your marriage is ending because of them, you should realize your mistakes. Ponder on those situations when you were very rude with your partner or treated them cruelly. Think about what you have given to your partner and what did they demand or expected from you. After finding your fault, try to think of ways which will help you to win back your love. Remember that it is easy to find faults in other but difficult to rectify your faults.

• When you have realized your mistake, try to correct them by changing the features which your partner doesn't like in you. Bring them some gifts or things which they like or expect from you. Try to make them feel that they are very precious for you and you don't want to live without them. If your partner is staying away from you, then give them a surprise visit with flowers and gifts. Spend some time with them and explain them your feelings and emotions.

• If you have children and then too you both are getting divorced, then you have taken an absolutely wrong decision. Husband and wife often think of getting divorced or separated but don't think about their children's future. They don't worry about the impact which your separation will put in their mind. Both the father and mother are equally important for a child. The child needs both of them to take right decisions in their life and career. So before filing for divorce, just think about your children and their future and surely this method will help you in saving a marriage.

• If your wife or husband is not attractive or have some bad habits like smoking, drinking, etc. and as a result, you are thinking of separating with them, then think calmly. Finishing a relationship will affect lives of many people including your family and friends. Running away from a situation is not a solution to it and you have to become determined to change your partner with your love and devotion. You can explain them that how their bad habits are ruining your life and relationship. Tell them that you love them and because you care for them you are asking them to leave their bad habits.

• You can take help of a middleman for saving a marriage. The mediator can be your friend, relative, or some other family member. They will explain your partner about your feelings and how much you are attached to them. They will also come to know the reason why your partner is unhappy with you so that you can correct your mistakes.

A healthy relationship, especially marriage needs a huge amount of trust, understanding, love, care, concern, time, and space. If you are trying to save a marriage then you need to have all these qualities. Don't get depressed if your partner is not very beautiful, instead look at those qualities which make them different from other. Marriages are made in heaven but they have to be dealt with, on the earth. You can have a happy married life only if you have the willingness and determination to face all the obstacles coming in your way with perfection. Remember that every night is an indication of a beautiful day which is coming ahead. Don't lose hope in saving a marriage because you never know what destiny holds for you.

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Top Five Tips For Coping With Divorce

If you have gone through a divorce, you already know that it is not easy coping with divorce. It is natural to struggle, feel some pain, and maybe wonder if you'll ever get through it. Thankfully, many people have gotten through this painful event and some have shared helpful tips and techniques they have used in coping with their divorce. Here are five tips that may help you cope as you go through a divorce.

Hope Will Help You Deal With A Divorce

The first thing to realize is that pain and struggle are a part of everyone's life. I know that may not sound very encouraging, but even if you feel broken-hearted and crushed right now, there is hope for a better future. This may be the lowest point for you and things will only get better. The tip is, develop some hope and vision for a better future for yourself.

Acknowledged That The Divorce Happened

Another thing that you must do in dealing with divorce is to acknowledge the reality that you are divorced. It is natural to cling for a while to denial or hope that things will be different. It is good, however, to get to the clarity of mind and heart where you acknowledge that you are no longer married. That phase of your life is over, and acknowledging this will help you move on to the next stages of your life.

Discipline Helps After A Divorce

It is going to require some discipline to cope with the divorce and your new life. You need the discipline to develop a routine of life that works for you now in your current situation. You need the discipline to not blame yourself or your ex for all that went wrong. You must give yourself permission to forgive yourself and forgive your ex if you can, and start looking toward the future. Learn to do the things that you used to depend on someone to do for you.

Learn From Your Mistakes

This is a great tip, and it is to learn from the mistakes in your relationship so you can do better in the future. All of us make mistakes, but not all of us learn from our mistakes. This may not be easy to hear, but you can benefit from the pain that you have gone through. You can become a better, stronger, happier person as you develop yourself in this new phase of life. Determine to understand some lessons from your divorce, then apply them to your relationships as you move forward.

Recovering From Divorce Takes Time

Going through a divorce can be a challenging process. The fifth tip is to realize that no one can can cope with divorce and the pain it causes in a few weeks or even a few months. There are phases that you have to go through. Everyone goes through these phases, although they may come in a different order and they may last for varying lengths of time. Going through sorrow, anger, guilt, and other feelings is natural and it takes time to process and resolve these things. The good news is that facing these feelings and dealing with them will bring about true healing in time.

I hope these tips will be helpful to you during this challenging period in your life. For more helpful insights on coping with divorce, you can receive a free report from Help Guide at Coping with Divorce.

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Understanding and Dealing With Parental Alienation

Parental alienation is an issue that takes place in which a child expresses feelings of great dislike or sometimes hatred regarding a particular parent. The feelings are generally unjustified and they also make it challenging for the alienated father or mother to associate or interact with the child.

Many factors induce these sort of feelings. They could be prompted by the unfavorable opinions a child hears from one parent relating to the other. Such sentiments in a child are often seen in a separation and divorce situation in which the feelings of the parents might run over and affect the way a child feels and what they think. Parents could possibly be distracted by their particular turmoil as they cope with matters like child custody and distribution of property and assets.

When the factors of the breakup are uneasy and painful, for example a cheating spouse, it's usually hard for one parent to hide their disdain and frustration for the other spouse and they might unwillingly have an effect on the sentiments of the child. Hearing and seeing close family comment on the other parent in a negative way, discussions where insults are typically thrown about and reference to what one parent did wrong can make a child feel like they loathe one parent and make them distance themselves from them. So does discovering a parent being reckless, regarding how they mishandle finances, their being users or abusers of illicit drugs together with other behavior that may have triggered the marriage or relationship to collapse. A parent may reveal this to a child knowingly or by chance.

One parent may want to get revenge on the other by turning a child against them. It is important for parents to understand that the labors to get retribution on the other by turning the children against them can backfire. The child may hate the parent who declares to them negative aspects of the other parent. The child could also detest the accusing parent because of not forgiving the parent who may have done something wrong for the sake of keeping the family together. What may then arise is that the child or children may alienate both parents simply because they feel disillusioned by each of them.

A marriage or serious relationship is a place where one gets a big component of their identity, their guidance and their incentive. As a result the roots of these connections are very profound and they are linked with the ones from a child or children in the partnership. Yet as frustrating as it is, a parent needs to do all that is possible to recover from the marriage or relationship with minimal disturbance of the children's lives. The suitable and good thing to do for the child is to reassure them that both mom and dad love them as much as ever even though they are no longer in a relationship. Remember, what a child sees is what they are inclined to repeat in their own partnerships and marriages.

James D. Garrett is a Virginia Beach attorney and the founding member of Garrett Law Group, PLC
Virginia Beach Divorce Attorney
Virginia Beach Divorce Lawyers

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The Legal Implications of Divorce

Going through a divorce can be a very traumatic experience. This is the main reason why it is very important that you make sure that you want to do it before actually going through the proceedings. You have to understand that you will be subjecting yourself to severe emotional and mental stress throughout the entirety of the divorce proceedings. The death of a marriage is not an easy thing to experience. However, you have to soldier on in order to ensure that you are able to live a new life. The main purpose of a divorce is to solve the legal issues. Here are some legal implications that you will be facing.

Bank accounts - you need to properly divide your financial assets with your soon to be ex-spouse. During the proceedings, all the money in all your bank accounts will be totaled and divided accordingly. Some parties do not contest the division, but if you feel that the current division scheme is unfair, then you can ask your lawyer to contest it. Most of the time, if it is a joint account, the money is divided equally.

Real estate property - this legal implication can be very complex to handle. This is because the properties need to be determined first if they were acquired during the marriage or not. Real estate property divisions are often one of the most volatile issues to discuss during the proceedings because of the many technicalities of the law as well as the significant value that the properly usually involves.

Debts - this is also a very important implication. Who will shoulder the existing debts? Some people would wish that their ex-spouse will be saddled with the debt but usually the court will just divide the debt equally just like the bank accounts were divided equally.

Inherited wealth -this is often tricky because determining whether inherited wealth is a marital asset can be quite confusing. If it was a close relative and the inheritance was specifically given to the husband, will the wife have a rightful share to it? The courts will decide it after careful deliberation.

Children custody - this is the biggest source of courtroom drama during divorce proceedings. Sometimes, divorced couples fight to get the most amount of time possible with their children to the point that their children are already suffering from the hurt. The courts will often be as fair as possible to both parents during child custody hearings as part of divorce proceedings.

Bernard Y invites you to http://www.freedating411.com/, dedicated to sharing useful information on relationships and everything under the sun concerning one's dating and love life.

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The Youngest Children Are the Ones Most Affected By Divorce

Too often parents discount the depth of the feelings their children have when they get a divorce. A serious misconception is that older children feel the split much harder than little ones do. You've heard people saying, "Well, he's only four and doesn't know what's going on." That's been a common theory up until now when researchers at Georgetown University discovered that actually the opposite is true. Smaller children under the age of 5 are the ones who suffer the most negative effects of their parents' divorces.

It's probably needless to say that a child's world is torn apart by the difficulties their parents are going through. These kids have been raised to believe that their environment is stable and the way it's supposed to be, no matter what it's actually like. During their youngest years, children learn to develop attachments. Early on they conclude that they are loved by their parents, that they live in a safe environment, and that they're free to explore the world they live in. In short, they have it all figured out for themselves. That is, until something changes to make them doubt that anything is really the way they thought.

You may see the confusion they are feeling in their behavior. Unable to fully discuss the way they are feeling, they often act inappropriately. Parents who are stressed out themselves are more prone to get angry with the misbehavior, and that parental reaction reinforces the child's sense of unease. It can be a vicious circle unless parents know some simple coping strategies and make the way easier for their little ones.

Make sure to keep your connections with your child strong. Be as honest and straightforward as you can be, and if you aren't sure where the future is going to take you, tell them so. Just let them know that no matter what happens, you'll be there for them. Don't go so far as to make promises, though, which you may not be able to keep. Keep your fights and discussions with your spouse between just the two of you. Don't make your home environment any more chaotic than it already is. You also need to make sure the child knows that your marital difficulties are in no way because of them.

Divorce is difficult for everyone involved and often brings about unwelcome changes in lifestyle. Try to keep everything as constant as possible for your children and maintain a soothing demeanor when dealing with them. Even the smallest child can get very upset when they sense that something isn't right.

Find out how to know when your marriage is over at: free marriage advice or here: Save My Marriage.

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The First Place to Start When Trying to Save Your Relationship?

How can I save my relationship? That is a very common question asked by many women. If you are looking for relationship answers online, you are probably asking yourself this very question.

It is very sad when a relationship is floundering. The first inclination is to save the relationship at all costs and to work on improving things. This can be particularly true if there are children involved.

Of course, there are many things you can do and say to improve your relationship. A lot of these things will work in one situation, but may not in another. So what is one sure fire cure that will save or improve a doomed relationship? The answer is to improve yourself.

That answer is uncomfortable because it takes work and effort. If your partner doesn't care or isn't trying to work on your relationship, this statement probably seems unfair. However, this is one sure fire cure that will help solve most problems.

Most relationship problems stem from two simple issues: you have chosen the wrong person or you are very insecure about yourself. Sometimes, these problems are like cause and effect. For example, you may have chosen the wrong person because you are insecure. In such a case, you probably attracted insecure people in the first place.

The truth is that a confident man may be attracted to an insecure woman. That attraction will wane over time as he deals with her insecurities. An insecure man on the other hand will probably enjoy bossing around an insecure woman. He will probably even feel better about himself in the process.

If your partner is very insecure himself and treats you cruelly or is physically and emotionally abusive, you probably shouldn't even worry about improving the relationship. Sadly, some relationships are not worth saving.

Working on yourself will show you whether your relationship is worth saving. As you become more confident and less insecure, your partner will either become motivated to change things about himself or he will be intimidated. If he is intimidated, you will know that you are in a relationship with an insecure man and that it may not be possible to save the relationship.

The death of any relationship is difficult. Sometimes, you need to let go of the bad things in life to make room for good things. While this is frightening, it can be a good thing.

Quite some time ago, there was an insecure woman I knew. She married an insecure man and they had children. When he began to abuse the children and the woman, the woman left. They attended many counseling sessions both separately and together for the next few years.

She desperately hoped she could keep the marriage together. In the end, it was not to be. They divorced. Several years later, she met and married a wonderful confident man. She is now happier than she's ever been in her life and she knows her spouse loves her with all of his heart. If she hadn't the courage to walk away from that bad relationship, she never would have met her husband.

How can you save your relationship? Start by working on yourself first.

No matter how bad you think your relationship is, take some salvation in knowing that love is rarely the reason that relationships crumble. Take baby steps to get you from break up to make up. Don't try to take too big a step and patch things up all at once. That's too much, too fast. Take small steps. Sometimes even small steps is too much at the current time.

In fact, many times, taking a step 'back' is the best course of action. Click here, register for the free Get My Ex Back mini-series newsletter and get a copy of my book "Tips to Save Your Marriage" (free for a limited time). You'll also get access to a video that explains the re-bonding process in more details.

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Why It Was Important To Me To Stop Name Calling

Divorce papers were signed at 2 pm in the afternoon and by 5 pm my ex was already crossing state lines to begin a new life; I was left with sole custody of our 4 year old daughter.

What surprised me was that we rarely heard from him. He never called, or sent an e-mail to inquire on the well-being of his daughter. The only calls received would be on her birthday and whatever Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday he didn't have her, and the one week a year he would take her on vacation. Other than that we never heard from him.

It didn't take long for me to gather a resentment toward him since my daughter felt abandoned by her father and I was the one left to handle her emotions. This was during a time when I was learning how to be a Divorced Single Parent. I had all of my own emotional swings I was dealing with and the last thing I wanted was to cope with my daughter's issue as well. But, I had to deal with life on life's terms and I did.

I'm grateful today, that I did make the decision, shortly after the divorce of never talking bad about my Ex to our daughter; to friends, however, was another story. I started to refer to him as 'The Walking Corpse' because he was absent from my daughter's life.

Name calling is demeaning. So often times when we get hurt through the divorce process that we revert to being grade school kids and begin calling each other ugly names. The name calling can be to our face; but often times, these are names said behind our back.

The day came when a woman was referred to me. She was sharing her story of the early stages of her divorce process that her husband suddenly died leaving her with their 5 year old daughter. The next time I was ready to refer to my Ex as 'The Walking Corpse'; the words literally got caught in my throat. I thought of my friend's daughter and then thought of mine; at least my daughter has a father. I never referred to him that way again.

I suddenly realized through my name calling how insensitive I was being to those around me. Not only was my behavior juvenile; I also realized I was not being true to my value of living by The Golden Rule. Even though I was careful not to use this name around my daughter; I was being disrespectful of her father. That was wrong.

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About the Author

Debbi Dickinson coaches divorced women to move past their divorce and create a new life for themselves mixing spiritual strategy with time tested proven tools. Debbi invites you to take advantage a Free 5-Day Video Guide that outlines some of these tools. http://www.steppingintojoy.com/

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What Is The Difference Between Separation And Divorce?

If you and your spouse have been experiencing marital problems, you may be looking at what options you have to rectify them. A counselor may have broached the road of separation and divorce, but is the difference between the two and which is the best option for your family? There are actually a number of differences between separation and divorce, but either one could provide the closure that you and your spouse so desperately need:

A divorce is, more or less, the end of a marriage. There will be legal proceedings that will sort out disputes over property, children, money and any other assets that the couple may have acquired over the course of their marriage. Even if both spouses are in agreement about who gets what from the divorce, it can be a long, tiring and time consuming process. Once the divorce is final, both of the ex-spouses are free to date and remarry as they see fit.

A separation, on the other hand, generally occurs when a couple is not sure whether they want to divorce or not. They can decide to make their separation legal if they wish, but this makes little difference on how the process is undertaken. The spouses will split their assets, property and money, but will still be considered married by the government. A separation is meant to give a couple time to think about their marriage and make a decision about the future. It does not, however, permit you to date or marry other people - you are still legally married.

The issues surrounding dating and remarrying tend to be the main differences between separation and divorce - when you divorce, you can do both of these things, whereas when you separate you cannot. Many couples choose to ease into a divorce by starting with a legal separation, often for the sake of any children that they may have. Many children (especially young ones) find the separation and divorce of their parents a stressful time, so easing this is the couple's first priority.

If you and your spouse are currently experiencing marital problems, it is recommended that you meet with a marriage counselor and a financial advisor to discuss your options of separation and divorce. These people will help you to decide whether a trial separation or a straight out divorce is best for you, as well as how to divide up your assets, property and money without causing any unnecessary problems. Whilst it may seem like a very emotional time, both you and your spouse will feel much better for it.

This article is shared by John K. Taylor on the behalf of AXA. In this article writer explaining differences between separation and divorce. AXA is a foremost company that provides full assist when you divorce. They also give divorce financial advice to their clients.

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Your Thoughts Matter!

We all have hundreds of thousands of thoughts every day. Time to get up. I'm hungry. Who's calling? Why haven't they sent that email yet? I have so much to do. Do I look fat? How am I going to solve this problem? Why isn't my attorney returning my call? If s/he would just reconsider, I know we could work it out. How could I be so stupid? Could this be cancer?

Some of our thoughts are helpful, some are fanciful, some are neutral, and some are just plain hurtful or scary. Every thought we have contributes to how we perceive ourselves, our situation and those around us. They can spur us into action or keep us from taking action. Our thoughts are what make our lives uniquely ours. That's why two people can experience the same event and come away from it telling two entirely different stories about the event.

Perhaps you've heard the story of the bricklayers.

There were three bricklayers working side-by-side. A passerby stops to ask the first bricklayer, "What are you doing?" The first bricklayer rolls his eyes and responds, "Obviously, I'm laying bricks." Not satisfied with the answer, the passerby stops by the second bricklayer and asks, "What are you doing?" The second bricklayer, without looking up from his work, replies, "I'm working so I can feed my family." Still not quite satisfied with the answer from the second bricklayer, the passerby stops by the third bricklayer and asks the same question. "What are you doing?" This bricklayer carefully put down his tools, smiled at the passerby and proudly stated, "I'm building a cathedral."

Each of these bricklayers was occupied by the same task, but how they thought about the task was entirely different. The first bricklayer was just there to do his job. The second bricklayer was there out of sense of obligation. The third bricklayer was there to be part of something bigger than himself. Who do you think is going to have a better day? Who do you think is going to have the longest day?

This simple story illustrates the power our thoughts have over our experiences.

Most people find divorce to be an unpleasant, stressful experience. I know I certainly did. Maybe you do too. The thing is, I find that most of us add to the unpleasantness and stressfulness of divorce without even realizing it! Wouldn't you like to know if you're doing this?

Well, the easiest way to tell is by becoming away of your thoughts. Are you expecting things to be miserable? That expectation can set you up to interpret things as miserable even when they just might not be completely terrible. Are you thinking about how hard things are going to be? That thought will keep you focused on how hard things are instead of being flexible enough to see easier ways of doing things.

Once you become aware of your thoughts, you can then decide if and how you want to change them. I'll be honest with you, this probably won't be the easiest thing you've ever done, but the payoff is worth it! Imagine being free of those nagging thoughts of not being good enough or those thoughts of everything being so hard or those thoughts of being scared of what the future holds. Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

One of the best ways I know of to keep my thoughts focused on the positive is to have a compelling place or future I am working toward. When I was going through my divorce that positive future included being able to make my own decisions about where I wanted to live. By focusing on that, I was able to buy my own home. By focusing on that, I was able to move out of state three different times because it was what I decided to do. Instead of thinking by habit that someone else would make the decisions about where I would live, I chose to focus on my thoughts so they could help me build my cathedral instead of just laying bricks.

Focusing on a positive future is a goal I set with every single one of my clients. You'll benefit from doing so too. All you have to do to convince yourself of this is ask, "Are my thoughts helping me build my cathedral or are they just habits that are keeping me stuck?"

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

Pick one area of your life that you'd like to improve. What areas of your life would you really like to be different? Your finances? How your divorce is progressing? How your kids are dealing with the divorce? How you think of yourself? Look at all of them and then choose the one area that would have the greatest impact on your life.

Decide exactly what you'd like to be different and create your compelling place or future with as much detail as possible. Now that you know which one area of your life you'd like to change for the better, imagine exactly what you'd like to be different. Be as detailed as you can. You might want to write a description of what you want to be different or even create a collage or draw a picture. This is your "cathedral".

Become aware of your thoughts in this area. We all have tons of thoughts every day. We're so used to them that we hardly notice when we're thinking them. Amp up the volume on your thoughts about your "cathedral" so you can become more and more aware of all the thoughts you have on a daily basis about it. I bet you'll be surprised at how often you really do think about it.

Choose to change your thoughts that aren't helping you to build your "cathedral". Once you're aware of your thoughts about your "cathedral", notice how many are not helping you and choose to change them to something that is helpful. This is one of those things that can be easier said (or written) than done, but with practice you can definitely do it.

Happy "cathedral" building!

Get your free copy of "5 Things You MUST Know About Divorce That Your Attorney Won't Tell You"! http://www.functionaldivorce.com/

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

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Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com/ to learn more about Karen's work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.

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Why I Love Being a Divorced Single Mother

Today is Mother's Day and I've been reflecting on how much I've enjoyed being a single divorced mother the past 9 years. Can it be challenging with the juggling of our schedules? Yes!

Am I ready to pull my hair out at times with the emotional upheaval of a teenage daughter? Yes!

Do I enjoy the fact that her current boyfriend lives 2 counties away and Face Time is how they mostly communicate? Yes!

Would I change it for the world? Absolutely Not!

I love it!

My job demands occasional international travel and I have no family nearby that can jump in to assist with my daughter when I'm gone. She has a lot of after-school activities, including school band, is active in our church, dance, dance and a lot more dance.

Friends are amazed at how effortlessly our life runs with everything we have going on. And trust me, we have A LOT going on; our lives are blessedly filled.

Let me share some of the lessons I've learned along the way that have kept us moving along like a well-oiled clock.

Stay in today. The days are counting down on how long my daughter will be under my roof. So I strive to focus on her when we are together. Whether that's teaching her life lessons or we are just plain having fun. When we spend time together she IS MY FOCUS.

I'm organized. Friends call me highly organized. I'm not anal about it; nor am I inflexible. But, I have learned to rely on the systems I've put in place to have my life, and my daughter's, run smoothly. This doesn't stop at home; I'm that way at work as well. It is a system I've built for myself over time and share with those who see the benefit of it working in my life.

Support network. I have lots of friends I rely on. A good friend jumps in to 'play mom' when I travel and I have a list of neighborhood kids that drive my daughter to dance when my work schedule doesn't allow. I work out car pool plans with parents of my daughter's friends. For me it truly does take a village to raise a child and I've learned to maximize it.

What does this have to do with Mother's Day you're wondering?

It allows me to enjoy, and even relish the precious time I share with my daughter. She worked bit by bit all week making a special Mother's Day gift for me because she understands about not leaving everything to the last minute (except cleaning her bedroom!).

Our organization ensured that all chores were done over the course of the week so we could spend today together doing things we love and not heading into the work week with unfinished business or homework.

Stay in Today. We had a fabulous time together today. For us, it doesn't matter what we did; what matters is that we were together enjoying life and each other's company. I had a wonderful Mother's Day.

http://www.steppingintojoy.com

About the Author

Debbi Dickinson coaches divorced women to move past their divorce and create a new life for themselves mixing spiritual strategy with time tested proven tools. Debbi invites you to take advantage a Free 5-Day Video Guide that outlines some of these tools. http://www.steppingintojoy.com/

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What Are Effects of Divorce on Kids?

If there's one thing in life that a parent would never want their children to witness, it would be him/her fighting with the spouse. It's an ugly situation which could have a detrimental impact on how the child sees life. What's even worse is when both parents could no longer tolerate each other to a point where divorce is the only option. This is definitely one of the ugliest sides of life, and emotional suffering could end up playing a huge role as our children grow up to be mature adults.

It is important that parents should think about the consequences of their actions in the lives of their children, and divorcing each other is certainly one of those actions. The emotional scars will be there and children's development can certainly be affected negatively. Below are some of the effects of such a situation on the child:

- If such a thing occurs, there's a likelihood that the child will be unable to express him or herself emotionally, especially when a child matures into an adult and gets involved in a relationship. There would be some withdrawal of emotions, and the possibility of experiencing long bouts of depression would be strong. Many kids these days suffer from emotional outbursts, bullying or even suicide since they cannot fully express their emotions, especially once they've processed in their minds what has occurred.

- Some children would often feel responsible for the separation of their parents. They often question what could have been done differently and analyze their own actions just so they could their parents from separating from each other. This may be irrational but it also leads to the children actually striving to do all that's possible to keep their parents together. It often results in feeling rejected and not feeling loved at all.

- There would be some intense feelings of jealousy if the child stays with a parent who decides to remarry and have another family of their own. Kids would feel more attention is given to their other family.

- There would also be some blame placed on one parent for deciding to leave. This sort of one-sided loyalty would keep them from actually seeing the real reason why both parents decided to go through a divorce, thus preventing any chance of reconciliation. Any possibility of feeling love and care from the other parent would be hard to achieve.

Bernard Y invites you to http://www.freedating411.com/, dedicated to sharing useful information on relationships and everything under the sun concerning one's relationships.

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What A Woman Headed For Divorce Needs To Know

While divorce is difficult for all parties involved, it can be particularly hard on a woman for many reasons. First and foremost, she is often faced with raising children as a single mother or else sharing custody of her kids with a person she no longer respects. If she has been a stay-at-home-mom, she may not have developed the job skills she will need to support herself and her family. On top of that, she may be experiencing grief at the demise of her marriage. It's very important that once the course towards divorce is set, she outlines the steps she is going to need to take in order to cross back over into life as a single.

Many times a woman, overwhelmed with working and home and family duties, hasn't kept up with the financial interests of the family. She may not even know what companies the investments, insurance policies, credit cards, and bank accounts are maintained through. What bank or what broker handles them? If she doesn't know, how can she be sure that she ends up with a fair amount of the assets. It's always good for a woman to make the time to learn about such things while she and her husband are on good terms. That way, if things go south, she'll know what she's doing.

Before she files for divorce, a woman should know where all the bank accounts are and withdraw half from each one of them. Then, when she's on her own fighting for her fair share, she'll have the funds available to pay the bills, hire an attorney, and afford day to day living expenses. If she doesn't handle the situation this way, it's possible that her spouse could withdraw everything from all of the accounts. Even though he will most likely have to divide these amounts at the time the divorce is finalized, she could still spend a long dry spell without the cash she needs.

The lawyer she hires is going to be her rock during the difficult process of divorce, so it's essential to hire the best she can afford. She may already know who the best divorce lawyer in town is, but if she doesn't, she can ask friends and co-workers for advice. This lawyer is going to provide the guidance she needs when she doesn't understand where she stand legally. He or she will also give her the information she needs in order to get an equitable settlement.

It's possible that the woman may also need emotional support. Divorces can be battlegrounds that shatter her sense of self esteem and leave her feeling bereft. A good counselor will give her someone who is on her side, who will not be judgmental, and who will be able to guide her emotionally through the months it takes for the divorce to be final.

Find out how to know when your marriage is over at: http://www.top20questions.com/ or here: Save My Marriage.

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Things To Consider When Getting A Divorce

A divorce is a really difficult situation for anybody to deal with. There are a number of things that will have to be sorted out, and all of these decisions can have a big impact on your future. As a result you need to make the best decisions from the start.

Make Sure You Want To Proceed

The first decision that you're going to need to make is to definitely decide if you are prepared to pull the trigger and start the divorce process. While you are thinking about this decision, it's important to think about the issues you have in your marriage so you can look at each of the solutions which are available to you. You really shouldn't apply for a divorce until you are certain nothing else will work.

One of the popular approaches that individuals take advantage of to avoid heading to the divorce courts is to look into counselling. In the event that your issues with your partner are mostly connected with poor communication, this is probably an option you will want to consider using before you decide to file.

Many people have also had success in using some sort of trial separation. By agreeing to this short-term situation, it makes it possible for both spouses to reassess their situation so that they can think more clearly about exactly what they want to do.

The process of getting a divorce is final. Make sure you take every single step possible to see whether there are other ways you and your partner can remain together and both be completely happy.

Whether to Hire a Solicitor

Making a decision about whether you will be using a solicitor for your divorce case is most likely the next thing that you are going to have to do. Although you may have no intention of having a Solicitors Leeds office represent you when you file your divorce, you should at the very least consult with one. They may be able to let you know just how challenging it's going to be.

You might think that you could take care of the details of your divorce process by yourself, however, most people gradually discover that it's a far more challenging and complex process than they anticipated. When you employ a solicitor, you will know that everything is being taken care of in the way it should be.

The further your divorce process proceeds, the more it becomes an emotionally-charged issue. Quite often, whenever people get emotional, they begin making decisions based on their feelings rather than what's best for them in the long term. If you use a solicitor, you know they will be there to make certain your decisions are based upon your best interest.

Should You make use of the Collaborative Process?

The very first decision you need to make is whether to get divorced. The second is going to be if you should hire a solicitor or not. The next decision concerns whether to pursue a conventional divorce (which can take a long time and also costs quite a bit in solicitor fees) or to pursue a collaborative divorce that can help you save a lot of time, cash and stress.

Once you decide on a collaborative divorce process, it usually means that there are going to be numerous group meetings that involve each of the spouses and both solicitors. Everybody agrees in the beginning to work toward an arrangement which is fair for both parties. Therefore the court needn't be involved in the process.

If you feel that you and your husband or wife are determined to conclude your relationship amicably, and you're both genuinely serious about getting to a reasonable agreement, this kind of process might be something you should look into.

Divorce is often a very difficult process to deal with, if you'd like guidance our Solicitor in Leeds are going to be happy to help you. For additional information go here to go to our website

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The Most Important Thing for a Successful Relationship Isn't Communication

Relationships take work. They take work to make them work and grow. And they take work to be redefined or completely dissolved when you get divorced. Whether you're looking to make a relationship work, redefine it or dissolve it, the most important thing is communication.

Well, I disagree. I think these experts miss the mark. Communication is very important in relationships, but how many times have you communicated with someone and there was a misunderstanding, or feelings got hurt, or tempers flared? Just communicating with someone isn't what makes a relationship work or helps to redefine it or dissolve it. It's the quality of the communication that is vital to the success of a relationship and it's transition.

Now I hope you're asking, "What does she mean by the quality of the communication?" because that's exactly the question I'm going to answer now.

The quality of communication is all about being truthful and respectful in how you express yourself. Its about allowing yourself to be vulnerable in your truth about you. But vulnerability is a funny thing. It can work against you and leave you feeling shame, fear and imprisoned. It can also work for you and leave you feeling free and affirmed. You can experience this affirming kind of vulnerability only when you have a deep connection, appreciation and love for yourself. You have to really know yourself to allow yourself to be freed by your vulnerability.

Having a deep connection with yourself is required for a truthful and respectful quality communication. If you don't know yourself, it's hard to be truthful about what's going on with you - what you're thinking, what you're doing, how you're feeling, and why you might be thinking, doing, and feeling what you are. This isn't to say that you have to know EVERYTHING about you to have a high quality of communication. A connection with yourself is more about the ability to be truthful with yourself and spending time exploring your thoughts, feelings and behaviors so you can understand and connect with yourself even more deeply. It's about your willingness to be present with yourself and explore what makes you you.

The thing is, it's not always easy to have a deep connection with yourself. Normal life experiences can get in the way of your connection with you. I remind myself this by H.A.L.T. When I'm feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired it's probably not a good idea for me to attempt a quality communication with someone because these needs that must be dealt with first. I'll bet the same holds true for you.

When we're hungry our bodies are demanding attention. It can become virtually impossible to be consistently aware of much else besides the search for food. When we're angry, our fight, flight or freeze response is generally engaged and we're not aware about much of anything else about ourselves. When we're lonely and feeling disconnected, we're not connected with ourselves or anyone else. And when we're tired, our bodies and minds are pulling us away from any connection with ourselves outside of the need to recharge and relax.

I have a strong belief in not being able to give to someone else what I don't have for myself. If I'm not feeling appreciation, compassion, and love for myself, it's VERY, VERY difficult, if not impossible, for me to give to someone else. Sound familiar?

And yet, being respectful, which comes from a sense of appreciation and compassion if not of love, is a requirement for quality communication. It's kinda like those oxygen masks that are supposed to drop from the compartments above our heads in an airplane should the cabin lose air pressure. You put your mask on first before you help anyone else with theirs. If you don't put your mask on first, you run the risk of not being able to help anyone else or yourself. You've got to make sure you've got what you need to be able to help before you do help.

What happens if you don't have a sense of appreciation, compassion and love for yourself and attempt to communicate truthfully? You then to experience fear and shame - the negative side of vulnerability. Sharing yourself and feeling fear and shame destroys the quality of communication. It eats away at the connection between two people and begins to eliminate the possibility of joy, creativity, belonging, and love for them.

Like most things in life, our communication experience depends on us. In order to consistently communicate truthfully and respectfully with others, we must consistently come from a place of deep connection, appreciation and love for ourselves. This isn't always easy to do. Developing and nurturing this communion with ourselves is at the root of the work required for the quality communication that relationships need to be able to survive, grow, change and yes, even end.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

What role did communication play in your separation and/or divorce? Many of my clients point to a lack of communication being at the root of their separation and divorce. At first they tend to blame their former spouse. And, yet, once we dig more into situation, they will often realize that their lack of connection with themselves also played a role in the poor quality of communication they had in their marriage.

How can you nurture a deeper connection, appreciation and love for yourself? Taking care of yourself is where I always suggest people start. Make sure you're getting enough exercise, sleep, nutrition and hydration and you'll be able to focus more on discovering and appreciating you.

In 30 minutes of less, you can QUICKLY and EASILY pinpoint EXACTLY what you need to do to COMPLETELY get over your divorce... GUARANTEED! http://www.functionaldivorce.com/fdasproduct.html

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Please do! However, this material is copyright. Just include the following information with the article and we'll all be happy:

Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com/ to learn more about Karen's work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.

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