Divorce can be a tough and painful process. Nobody can go through it the easy way. But then if your decision to end your marriage is final, you have no choice but to face reality and get on with the divorce process.
You may not be prepared to handle the procedure what with all the time and effort it requires consulting with lawyers and debating over finances, properties and custody arrangements. But know that you need not rush things. Do take your time if necessary. It's important that you are in your right mind to be able to accomplish your tasks. With the right support system and of course, a good lawyer to back you up, you will be able to proceed with the process and finally get it over and done with.
Now, when all is done with the divorce, what's the next step to take? Should you sulk and stay away from people for a while or should you find a job and start dating right away?
Yes, you might be alone now but you need not feel lonely. If you have kids, they will keep you occupied. But if you do feel lonely, going back into the dating pool is not the answer to your situation. Relationship experts say it's not right to start searching for a new partner after the divorce. There has to be some personal recovery first.
How then can you start the process of personal recovery? There are stages involved which, if possible, a divorced person needs to go through.
Grieving is the first stage. Some people may not really feel this but this phase is important. Don't deny yourself the negative feelings of loss, anger, regret or sadness. They are normal and vital in order for you to heal. Accept the fact that some people may have distanced themselves from you. Cry if you want and feel sad if you need to.
From the grieving, you will have to do some self-reflection next. Think about what happened to your relationship? Ask yourself what really led you to fall in love with the person and if you were able to get to know him or her deeply throughout the years you've been together. This will help you reflect on where you or your partner might have gone wrong, the causes of your conflicts and the steps you took to resolve your marital and personal issues. It will also allow you to think about your own traits including the negatives ones that may have shown as well as your mistakes and how you can avoid them in the future.
The final stage is forgiving yourself and your partner. It is only after you've healed and reflected on your past marriage that you can move on and accept everything. It is also at this point or perhaps a little later that you can forgive yourself as well as your partner.
What matters after a divorce is you learn from your mistakes and experience. Life is not perfect but when you acknowledge the fact that after the storm, there's always light, you'll be able to recover.
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