Caroline has been divorced for seven years. She has two boys and shares custody with their father. Their father sees them every other weekend and though he makes plenty of money as a San Diego DUI lawyer, he pays NO child support. This is because he is "self-employed" and he refused to provide his financial information to the court. His sleazy lawyer tricks prevailed as Caroline decided she would rather not receive any child support than to continually go back to court over it.
Her ex has spent the past seven years making her life miserable. Everything is a battle. He undermines her every chance he gets and causes a lot of stress. Her boys feel the strain of their parent's "relationship". Their behavior changes after visiting their father and they become defiant with her until they settle back in to their normal routine.
Caroline thought she would escape her ex-husband's wrath by divorcing him. Instead, he is ever present in her life and she has eight more years before she is "free" of him. They stick to their visitation schedule to the minute, regardless of anything else that may be going on.
Jessica has also been divorced for seven years. At first, having to deal with her ex was stressful and uncomfortable. Then Jessica decided that she should try to make the best of the situation and made an attempt to get along with her ex for the sake of their kids. Since she was being nice to him, Jessica's ex reciprocated the behavior and attitude.
Jessica and her ex get along and are able to discuss matters involving their children. They are able to attend the same events (like soccer games and birthdays) without animosity or awkwardness. They have a successful visitation schedule and are both willing to accommodate each other's requests whenever things come up.
Their children are well-adjusted and the divorce has been a positive experience for them. They have never felt trapped in the middle or as if their parents are at war with each other. Her boys are happy and have great attitudes when they return from their father's house. Jessica and her ex-husband are able to co-parent and get along. They do so for the sake of their children.
Getting along with the other parent is essential if you want to have successful custody arrangements. You don't have to be friends. You just have to stop fighting and get along. If you treat each other with respect and civility, it will be tremendously beneficial to your children.
Sometimes ex-couples are so volatile that they cannot communicate without fighting. Getting along in this type of situation is difficult. If this applies to your situation, you may want to try communicating with your ex only in writing (such as e-mail or text) and refrain from engaging in confrontational behavior. Ignore nasty messages. Not fighting with your ex is almost as good as getting along.
Learning how to get along with each other in order to co-parent effectively is going to take time and patience. However, you and your children will be better off in the long run for having put forth the effort.
Kelly Turner is an advocate of children's custody rights. Kelly recommends Custody X Change to parents who need help creating a successful visitation schedule.
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